Living for Yourself So You Won't Die Fiull of Regrets
by Olivia Angelescu
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Unknown
A mother was walking down the street with her two little sons. A man stopped to admire them and he asked, “You must be so proud of them! How old are they?” The mother answered, “Who? The doctor or the lawyer?”
A few days ago I heard this joke and, despite its purpose, it just made me feel sad. I was one of those children who, when turned into adults, never explored their passions and never went fopr their dreams.
I loved writing. I mean I could write for hours without feeling tired or hungry.
I was so happy to express myself through my poetry. Fast-forward fifteen years: I was working as a finance manager in a top multinational company. I woke up one day and I just couldn’t move. I mean literally, I couldn’t leave the bed, I was so unhappy.
Thinking about it, I was just like the upgraded version of my mother, who had been working all her life as an accountant in a small company.
Don’t get me wrong; I love my mother. I love her so much that I could do anything just to see her happy, including embracing a career that I do not love, just to make her feel that I will be safe. Because I will be, right? What’s not safe about a management job that pays so well?
But if this career is supposed to make me feel safe, why am I feeling like I am losing the most important battle of my life?
Been there, done that. Hopefully, I am one of those who, in the end, managed to find themselves again. Unfortunately, I had to watch my father dying full of regrets just to be able to finally do this.
So, what about you? If the joke above resonated with you in a not-so-funny way, you may want to consider this:
Understand your story.
Who were you as a child? What did you enjoy doing? Did you stop doing the things you enjoyed? When? Why? What have you learned about working from the people who had some authority in your life (parents, grandparents, brother, sister, teachers you admired)?
Own your story.
It is what it is and you can’t change the past. Allow yourself to be angry for a moment. Acknowledge your feelings. It’s okay; just don’t get stuck at being angry
Negative emotions will not help you or anyone else. Turn them into forgiveness. And then be grateful. People are dying each day being full of regrets; they don’t have any time left to change anything about their lives, but you do. You still do.
Make a plan for yourself.
Make it a daily/weekly routine to get in touch with your rue self. What is your definition of being happy? Are you happy? Spend ten minutes each day, whenever you have the time, thinking about the things you really enjoyed. Is there a way to bring them back into your current life? How? When? Schedule it.
In most cases, you don’t have to change your whole career, or even your current job. You just have to incorporate more things you love into your life.
Make it happen: stick to the plan like it’s your most important project right now.
It won’t be easy. Of course, you have your very limited free time and your responsibilities, kids to take care of, or you’re just traveling a lot. Still, you are your most important asset. And unless you are going to take responsibility for your happiness, no one else is going to. Furthermore, what do you want your kids to learn from you about life?
Finally, please get yourself out of the “when vehicle.”
When you’ll get that raise, when you’ll buy that bigger house, after you’re back from that wonderful trip, once your kids are going to leave for college… life happens to us while we are waiting for some distant event to take place.
Smell the roses that are now growing in your small garden. You’ll feel instantly better. And that’s a promise.