Find the Messages In the Day

I teach meditation and help people become calmer, but do you want to know something? I learn the most when I realize that I am not only the teacher but the student.

One of the greatest gifts of mindfulness is the ability to be so in tuned to the moment that messages come to you most effortlessly.

Let me give you a great example.  Yesterday was a very busy day.  I had podcasts to get out, interviews to be conducted and a speech for toastmasters that I hadn't even started.

I woke up very "Un-Thom", my head filled with a list of things to do, feeling a little restless.  I wasn't in a funk; I was just deep in the future of the day.

I went about my day, getting things done.  At 10:00 am I started to write my talk about the biology of meditation.  Before i did, I figured I better get a little centered.  So I meditated.

As you might expect it pulled my mind and spirit from the future and brought it back into this moment, and that is where I resided for the better part of the day.  Here's where the messages come in.

I had delivered my speech and one of my fellow speakers come up to me to talk about her experiences with meditation.  As she spoke, I felt as if the entire room was silent (it wasn't even close), like time had stopped.  She looked at me and said

"I know when I need to relax, to be better.  Even when things are cruddy all around me, I can make the decision to simply breathe"

Of course what she said is something I express all the time.  Yet in that moment, after how I woke up, it seemed that it was a message for me as well. 

In that moment, her message felt placed in my path.  I embraced it fully.

The goal should be to experience mindfulness as often as we can,  however, as I let you know, the mind shifts you out of the moment.  But you can always get it back.  You can always regain that peace

And when you do, it is amazing how the messages and the joy seem to effortlessly flow to you.

That mindfulness is an easy skill to cultivate, not as difficult as you may think.  You let me know when you are ready to experience it and I will be happy to show you how.

Make it an absolutely beautiful day!



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Meditation in Minutes - Learn to meditate quickly and effectively

Real Life Calm - Guided meditations for everyday life - Show notes and more from the show


You Have to Think for Yourself to Become Calmer

The pull of society is strong...very strong.  But if you want to live a more purposeful life then you need to know that no society dictates what you do.

I have been reading a great book, The Leap, by Steven Parker.  The subtitle give you an idea of what it is about; the psychology of spiritual awakening.

In the book he talks about the transformation from sleep to wakefulness.  Very roughly put, sleep is our day to existence, steeped in ego, thinking we are simply individuals.  Wakefulness is a consciousness that we are all united, every living thing living in unity, and when we drop our preconceived beliefs we become happier.

Steven is wildly more articulate that I am on the topic, so I would encourage you to read his latest book.  I am even more excited to have him on ZEN commuter next week.

I bring up the book to point out something that both of us believe, that the lives we are living are not the only lives.  When we expand out minds and challenge our thoughts about our how we live, we grow.

You exist in a world that is constantly telling you how to be, how to behave.  

  • White teeth make you attractive
  • a steady 9 -5 job is the best thing for stability
  • You matter as long as you are thin
  • Create wealth and experience happiness and security, etc.

These are beliefs that have become part of our culture.  However, you don't need to adhere to cultural or societal beliefs.  You have a grander reason for being here on this Earth.  When you understand that reason, you thrive, you become happier.

That comes from questioning the beliefs that bombard you.

Today I want you to try something.  Every time you are faced with a belief, thought or way of doing something, I want you to ask yourself three questions.

  • Is this fact or someone's perception?
  • Does it resonate as true in my being?
  • Why am I being ask to believe this? Does it serve someone else or is it strictly for my benefit?

When you start to live life according to your own values and beliefs you live a more authentic life, and in doing so become calmer.

That's what it is all about.

Connecting with Something Bigger Brings Peace

There is an unparalleled sense of calm when we connect with something bigger than ourselves.

I talked about it on ZEN commuter today but I thought a bit more exposition would help make the message resonate more.

When you question your life, your choices, where you are and where you have been, how many times are you thinking of other people?

Not much, right?

When I talk about questioning your life in this instance, I am speaking more about the uneasy questioning of your life. You know the times; when you are in a funk or just feeling a bit out of sorts.

In those melancholy times you are fully immersed in you, your human you. 

For me, when I get in those times (and of course, I do) I can easily pull myself back to feeling more alive by connecting with something bigger.

It's not necessarily God, but it can be.  And it can be for you as well, whatever religion you belong to.  And you can connect to something bigger even if you don't have or believe in a religion.

You can connect to nature, all of nature. You have to commit to it though. You can't be ambling through the woods, with your nose in your phone. I mean walking in nature, fully taking in all around you.  Seeing the colors, feeling the breeze on your face, watching animals scurrying and flying about.  You can hear the sounds of the birds.

You can also connect to the entire population of the planet.  Oh yeah, I said that, and it's not as grand as it may seem.  How do you do it?

You stop and you look at the people around you, without judgment.  You start by connecting with one person.  You connect with them by realizing that they are absolutely just like you.  They have a beating, feeling heart.  The energy that resides in them, resides in you.  The energy of life and love connects you.

Once you have connected with that one person, expand your focus to the other people all around you. Understand that even though you are unique, there is a bond that connects us all.

Whether it is with God, nature or your fellow man or woman, when you expand your focus past the confines of your individual mind and body, you feel calmer.

If this or any post resonates with you, get the same inspiration sent right to your inbox by subscribing to the ZEN commuter daily post.  You will also get a copy of my eBook that helps you discover your passion

It's Time to Start Saying "NO"

If you aren't where you want to be in your life right now, you need to start saying "NO".

I'm not asking you to be belligerent, but I am asking you to take your feelings and needs into account.

We all have been at a point in our lives when we question some pretty big questions.  

You wonder how you became an accountant when in school you wanted to be actor.  

Or maybe you are living in Minnesota when you really can't stand cold weather.

Instead of being an actor in California, you are an accountant in Minneapolis.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with being an accountant or living in Minnesota.  But there is if you don't like numbers or frosty winters.

You end up living someone else's life when you don't say no.  You make a compromise here and a compromise there, and before you know it, you don't even recognize your life.

Don't be downright belligerent, insisting you get your way. Compromise is great for little things, like what restaurant to go to for dinner.  But it definitely doesn't serve you with the big decisions, like where to live or what to do for work.

Here is the big thing to remember...

You can't have the life you want if you don't know what that life is.

Spend time each day getting to know yourself better.  Define what kind of life you want to have.  Where do you want to live, what do you want to do?  Ask the questions.  Get the answers and then make decisions based on what those desires are.

And to the very point of this email, say no when someone asks you to do something that doesn't line up with your vision of the life you want for yourself.

It's not being selfish when you takes step to create the life you want.

If you don't say no when it's no inline with your dreams , then you might find your desk in Minneapolis to be very cold in December.  And you might be missing your the red carpet in LA.

If this or any post resonates with you, get the same inspiration sent right to your inbox by subscribing to the ZEN commuter daily post.  You will also get a copy of my eBook that helps you discover your passion

React or Be Calm: Which Works For You

There is one thing you can always control; the way you respond to any situation.  

One of the absolute best ways to become calm is to know that you always have the ability to respond to any situation in a way that serves you.

You are absolutely, unequivocally responsible for your emotions.  No question.

Some people have an unserving belief that other people are able to "push their buttons". 

There are no "buttons" if you choose to respond to upsetting situations with calm.

What does it take to do that?  An understanding of who you are, and a desire to live your life purposefully.

Suppose someone cuts you off in traffic, You are safe and your car is undamaged, what are all the options?

  • Lay on your horn, swear, and possibly respond with an angry hand gesture.
  • Put down your phone, food or drink and drive undistracted.
  • Express silent gratitude that you and your car are unhurt
  • Continue driving being more conscious of your surroundings.
  • Make your way to the Right hand lane and decide to drive slower

Here is the important thing to remember; all the options above are your choice.  How would you respond?

The first option is the only one that is a reaction.  All the others are conscious choices.

People who are fully aware of who they are, do not react, the make conscious choices.  Those who are unsure, react.

An we all know the best way to become aware of who we are, right?  I have two answers;

Meditation and Five Minute Mojo

I can help you with both of them.  Just ask me.  I am always here for you.



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Your Destiny Doesn't Always Need to be so Grand

There is a buzzword that extends past the personal development circles into the mainstream consciousness.  

It is "Passion"

Not steamy soap opera passion, but your passion; the thing that makes you come alive, the reason you are here on this earth.

Here's the thing though.  Perhaps the word is so widespread that people who don't know why they are here, may feel intimidated or left out.

You don't have to change the entire world to have a destiny.  The very word destiny conjures up images of grandeur.

Some people feel they have to rise to prominence to experience their calling.

That's not case every time.

Your destiny may be smaller in size but grander in scope.

Perhaps your calling is to live the example of kindness, so that the world you do interact with is enriched.

You don't need to be a civil rights leader, inventor or third-world doctor to have a destiny.

We all have one, and each one is important.

It's why our soul had us take on human form.

And of course you know what I am going to say about discovering your passion, calling or destiny, right?  

Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on your life.

It will become apparent eventually as to why you are here.  If you need a hand, you can count on me.

Three Steps to Regaining Your Sense of Calm - SOB

No, not that S.O.B.!

Do you really think I would throw that out there?  Me, the guy that loves the world?


When I say S.O.B. it's an easy way for you to become calm.


We are always on the go, heading somewhere, thinking that the more things we do the more important we are.  Those thoughts won't help you become calm.  But if you stop your mind and literally your body, you are part way to relaxation.


While you are stopped, simply observe the world around you.  Don't feel the need to talk, to add your opinion.  Don't do anything.  Fight that urge to move and do.  Simply observe, one thing, or everything.


Lastly, breathe; in through your nose, holding that breath briefly, and then slowly letting it out through your mouth.  Do this four times and you are sitting pretty, reveling in calm.

Wasn't that easy?  

The next time you are running around crazy, wanting to be calm, just remember SOB!Peace,


Stop Believing You Are Incomplete

Guess what?  You are perfect.

No that doesn't mean everything is going great all the time, and it doesn't mean you won't get bummed out, angry or sad.  It means that everything in your life right now, good and bad, is happening to bring you a state of growth.

The good thing to know is that you possess absolutely everything you need to be the best that you can be and to have a life that is calm and fulfilling.

Here's the thing though; you have to stop believing that you are incomplete.

That's not an easy task either.  Everywhere you go you are bombarded with messages that tell you otherwise.  Think about the multitude of TV and movies that all focus on finding that one special someone, the belief being that once you do, your life will start and you will be happy forever.

Think about the iconic movie line,

"You complete me"

Here's a news flash.  You were born complete.

When you realize that, you stop searching and start living, embracing all that you are, experiencing your completeness.

Advertisers don't make it easy either.  If you don't have their latest product you are left home alone while the rest of the world goes on smiling and laughing.

So how do you avoid buying into all that incomplete mentality?

It starts with awareness.  Our talking about it now helps you understand when you are being manipulated to believing you are not whole.

It will also help you to spend time each day quietly reflecting on what you bring to the world, you and you alone.

If you want to share your life with someone, look for them to complement who you are, not complete you.

No one completes you.  No one needs to; you are whole.  When you realize that, life becomes becomes so much fuller.


You Are Not Giving Up on the Life You Want

Our lives are truly remarkable.  

There are so many times when you feel happy, calm.   There are so many times when you are amazed at the life you are living, awed by the natural world and by the people you love.

And yet there are also times of darkness, when all around you seems bleak.  Challenges befall at every turn.  You wonder why these events, maybe people, have crossed your path.

I can't say for sure why they have; only you can do that.  However, I would offer a possibility. 

Perhaps, the tough times are there to help you see the other side of the coin.  Would you know a beautiful life if that's all there was?  You wouldn't.

Tough times help us appreciate the good ones.  They give us something to measure against.

An equally important reason for difficulties is to help us understand what we are capable of doing, becoming.

You are strong.

Feel that strength.

It's not a boastful power.  It is a calm, steadfast understanding that you are capable of absolutely anything, and to that point, you are capable of creating an amazing life.

You are living it right now.

Of course it has challenges, sadness and sorrow.  And as much as we hate to realize it, our souls have created those moments to help us see not just the light, but our ability to persevere.

You are not giving up on the life you want.

You know you can't.

At some point today, truly focus on what you want your life to be.  See it in your minds eye and know that you can create that.  Recapture your power, or reawaken it.

Whatever your age, whatever your challenge, it's going to serve you to understand that the life you want is a possibility.

And not just a possibility, but a certainty.  Whether it's in this life or another, you will experience your light, your divinity, your joy.

How about choose to discover it today?


There is Always an Answer...Love

It is a wonderfully calm day today.  The sun is shining so brightly and I have some truly peaceful music playing on Focus@Will as I write this.

All is well.

And it always will be.  

Do you want to know why?

Because there is Love.

Love abounds.  

It's in the hearts of those around you; the people you know and the people you don't.  It resides in all of us. Even the darkest of hearts know love.  It may may be shrouded, almost imperceivable, but it is there.

Waiting to be discovered.

What a beautiful reminder today: that we all joined by one energy.

Every person on this planet shares a feeling, an energy.  Every person on this planet is Love.

There will be times when you doubt so many things, wondering how you will ever make it through the day. Wondering how you ever fell so far.  You look for a reason. You look for an answer.

In those times, and in all times, the answer is the same: Love.

Don't beat yourself up, just look for the Love.

There are 8 billion people with you in this moment. Some of them know your pain or their equivalent and others know of light and hope.

All of them, know both.

Just like you do.  You know hope and joy; pain and sorrow.

All of it makes up who you are.  

Wherever you are in your life at this moment, know that there have been people who loved you, believed in you.

And there are certainly people right now that do as well.

It may be people that know you.

Or it may be the person who smiles at you as they hold the door for you entering a store.

It doesn't matter who it is, if you know them or not.  Whatever the vessel, whatever the form, the clearest answer will always be the same...


It's Time to Be Selfish

There is such a strong desire for us to fit in that we do almost anything to endear ourselves to others.  Don't get me wrong; we should always look to create community, to enrich the lives of others.

But you know you have to look after you too, right?  Don't think for a second that those concepts are mutually exclusive.  In fact, if you don't take steps to take care of yourself then you won't have much, if anything, to give to others.

Getting back to my original point, whether the desire is to belong or to actually be kind to others, we give much more than we receive.

As with most things in this world, there exists duality, a need for balance.  

The question stands then, what can you do for yourself today that will not only improve who you are, but also allow you the ability to give back to the world?

Do you want some ideas?

  • Take a walk outside.
  • Make yourself a nice healthy lunch and eat it somewhere other than at your desk, in front of your computer or in your car.
  • Meditate, if you know how. (You knew I had to put that in there!)
  • Spend any amount of time daydreaming. 

If caring for yourself is something you find difficult, you are going to find excuses for why you can't do the things I suggest above.

Well, you can make excuses, or you can change your life from reactive to purposeful.  The choice is always yours.  

In the end, when you take care of yourself, you end up being able to give so much more to the world.  And quite frankly, the world needs your best you!

Peace, Thom


Three Powerful Ways to Demonstrate Love

Hey my friends,

I am going to put on my tie-dye shirt, grow out my hair and flash you the coolest peace sign and say...

When you give Love, you get Love.

Does that resonate with you?  There are so many choices in a day to choose Love, to be kind and to smile. The biggest thing to realize is, you're not being Pollyanna, you are actually being selfish, but in a wonderful way.

When you act out of Love the world responds in kind.  What does that do?  Well, it lowers your level of stress of course, but it also has you feeling more connected to the world.

Earlier in this email I kidded about being a hippie; but there is nothing 1960's related about demonstrating Love whenever you can.  

Here's how:

Smile - It opens so many doors and makes the world feel good. 

Show concern for others - Not just people you know, but everyone.  Think about charities that you can donate time, money or energy towards.  Or simply get your nose out of your phone and look around at the world and see where you can help.  In fact, that is a great way to start the day, with the intention of helping the world with all you can do.

Use words that uplift - Speak to EVERYONE with kindness.  Look to connect with people using your words.  I capped "everyone" because there will be times in the day when people ruffle your feathers, If you choose to let them.  Instead, either choose not to engage or simply walk away.  Best of all, return their anger with Love. 

After all, didn't Martin Luther King Junior say...

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

I know he did; I just looked it up for us! :o)

I will keep it short for now, but if you practice just one of these suggestions you will find your day gets so much better.  

I guarantee it.

Peace, Thom

Three Reasons You Get Angry and How to Stop Them if You Choose to.

I am not an angry guy, but every now and then, that energy wells up in me.  Or I should say, tries to well up inside of me.

Let's face it, we create anger.  And we also have the ability to stop it. 

Should we stop it every time? Should we look to eradicate anger from our lives? Quite simply, no. However, we should be aware of our anger and on some level make it conscious, as opposed to reactive.

It's my belief that every energy has the ability to move us forward, including anger.  However, I find it least productive when it is the end result of careless thinking and expectation.

Think back to the last time you were angry.  Chances are good it was the result of one of these things:

  • Something didn't go the way you expected it to.
  • Someone acted in a way that went against how you felt they should
  • Someone did something that was in conflict with a belief that you hold in high regard.

You would think that for such a powerful energy as anger that there would be many more reasons, but this list of three covers it all.  

Here's the thing.  All three reasons are things you can change.

Don't have expectations.  Let things be as they will be, and change your experience to what actually happened, not what you wanted to happen.

Let people be who they are.  Let them do what they do.  Your way of living is only right for you. Ditch the ego part of you that tries to tell you that your way of living is the only way, that everyone should feel, think and believe the way you do.

Having beliefs is great.  Living by a code pf personal values adds meaning to our lives.  But the operative word is personal.  Your values are your values.  Live by them and let others live by theirs.  If there is ever a conflict, simply let others know what is important to you without devaluing what is important to them.  Be respectful of yourself and them.

In the end, you are the one responsible for feeling angry.  Empower it if it will serve you, or simply make a conscious decision not to react to the feelings once you notice them.

It is that easy.

You are powerful. You have the ability to respond in ways that serve you.  No one is in control of your emotions or life.

Now, go take on the day!



One Way to Not Grow Old

I was walking down the street this morning and heard Mother Nature call my name.  She didn't so much say,

"Hey Thom!"

Nope.  It was more like her kids, the trees, swaying in the breeze.  They were saying,

"What do you think of the new clothes? Nice, right?  It was just yesterday that we were naked as jaybirds. Now that you mention it,  those little guys weren't even around.  They were sleeping through the winter too"

Yipper.  Winter has transitioned to Spring.

And the trees were so beautiful, and the breeze so refreshing as it cooled the slight sweat that clung to my clothes from my walk in the sun.

Time marches on.  It never stops.  Does that bother you?

You might not want to let it get to you.  You are getting older.  So am I.  That's a cool thing though, if you see it that way.

It's funny; when we are younger we want to be older and when we are older we want to be younger.

But not everyone thinks that.  Hopefully, not you.  Time is make believe.

Think about it.  Of course there are seasons, but who came up with the idea of time?  Man.  It is constructed.  It's pretty arbitrary too.  Why is a year a revolution of the earth around the sun?  Because somebody though that was a good way to mark the days, another arbitrary term; the amount of time it takes the earth to rotate once on its axis.

It's all made up.  So how about you forget about fictitious segments of life and just live?

Don't worry about another birthday, live this "rotation" to the most.

We get all cranked up about getting older when we feel we have things left to do and time is slipping away.

Well, stop pi**ing away time thinking about the "days" you have left and live the ones you do have.

If you have something you want to do, then do it. 

When you live each day to the fullest, you never worry about birthdays, and you end up having the greatest talks with the trees!

Peace, Thom

Why You Shouldn't Aspire to be Anyone Else

You are driving down the highway and you see a beautiful woman driving a brand new Lexus.  She is gorgeous; hair perfect, designer sunglasses and manicured nails cradling the latest iPhone in her hand.

Lustful thoughts aside, you think...

"Wow, she has got it made!"

And of course the same is true for the example of a man too.  He is tooling down the road in a black BMW, classically good-looking, dressed to the nines, perfect teeth. And you think...

"I would give anything to be that guy!"

Would you?

Would you trade lives with either of them?  Perhaps that women has tears welling up in her eyes behind those shades.  Maybe she is listening to a voicemail from the hospital saying that her dad is not doing well, and she needs to get there soon to be able to say goodbye.

That male model may seem like he has it all together, but just maybe, he is battling an addiction and he is about to lose his house.

You don't know.

And in desiring to be someone else, you lose your happiness with who you are too.  When things get tough we always compare ourselves to others, seeing others with the possible facade of success and happiness.

The truth is, everyone has stuff they are dealing with. No one has a perfect life, no matter how it looks on the outside.

When things are tough, don't look to trade lives with anyone.  Feel the pain that you are in and understand it is fleeting, that you will get through it.

More so, realize that this seeming bump in the road is a lesson to bring you closer to your higher self; your higher self, and no one else's.

Love who you are.  Everything you are going through is to help you realize your divinity, your higher self.

Peace, Thom

Cram It All In, It's Still Not Going to Fill that Void

When I have more money, life is going to be so much better.

When I get to move into my dream house then I know I have arrived.

When I get that raise and that spiffy new car, I can finally relax, because I will be happy.

Do any of those thoughts resonate with you?  I hope not.  I certainly don't have all the answers for you, but there is one thing I have found.  Happiness is not outside of you.

It's not in a new love, a new car or a new house.

It's waiting to be discovered within you.  It's waiting patiently.  Every now and then you feel it, right?  Every now and then you get a glimpse.  

Here's the tricky thing though, when you get those things I initially mentioned, you feel happy.  But it's fleeting, and it's not real.  It seems it, but after a short while those things fail to lift your mood.

So what is the key to happiness?

You don't think I can lay it all out here in an email, do you?  I can't.  But I can tell you how to find out for yourself what happiness is.  If you read yesterday's post, you know what it is; at least you will know where to get the answer.

You guessed it; ask yourself.  I tell you what; I will even give you some questions to ask yourself to get the ball rolling.

  • Am I happy?
  • In the times I am not happy, seldom or frequently, why is that?  
  • How do I find that well of joy within me?

The answers may not come right away, but because you have asked the questions, your higher self will lead you to the answers in time.  Chances are good that you will begin to see signs and answers as you go throughout your day.

It certainly won't be signs for things on sale, because nothing outside of you is going to fill your void of unhappiness.

But keep your eyes open and your heart willing, and soon you will be awash in joy.



There Has Got to Be More Than This

There is so much more.

Yet many times you get drawn into the drama that is ego.  You wrap yourself up in your own worries and scenarios, unaware that there is so much more to live for.

Right off the bat, there are other people to live for.  Not at the exclusion of yourself, but in addition to you. Do what you need to do to make yourself better, and as you do that, share who you are with the world.

Now, the important thing to realize is that better doesn't necessarily mean more things, bigger house, shinier car, etc.  When I say better, I mean, become calmer. I mean become introspective.  I mean become unconditionally loving.

As you become all those things, shift your focus off of yourself.  Take care of yourself, eat right and work out, but also give of who you are.  Think of others' happiness.

There is so much more than you think.

There is a whole world that needs your light and attention.  When you focus outside of who you are, then you experience a fuller life.  That is what you want, right?

Today, think of the world first.



I Quit! - Perspective on What to Do at Work

I Quit!

We have all thought that.

And since this is Monday, many people are feeling that desire stronger than ever. They spent the weekend hassle-free, doing things they enjoy (hopefully) and now have to go back to the grind.  

If you are not happy, really happy, then why don't you quit?

I can tell you why I didn't.  The money was good and to be perfectly honest, I was lazy.  The whole idea of rewriting the resume and trying to covertly arrange job interviews was a hassle to  think about, never mind actually do.

So I stayed.

Until one sunny fall Sunday, working alone, I decided to leave it all behind.  Anyone who listens to ZEN commuter knows the story.

But this blog is about you. How do you feel about your job? I figure there are five major beliefs when it comes to a job/career:

  • I love what I do.  The company I work for is awesome.
  • I love the work I do, working for myself
  • Some of my job stinks, but for the most part, it's easy and I get paid well
  • Most of it stinks and I am just gonna coast because I don't want to have to look for anything else.It pays the bills
  • It is the absolute worst and I will do anything to be out of here

That's a pretty broad spectrum.  To be honest, I can't tell you what to do if situation 3, 4 or 5 resonates with you.  In fact, I can't even say if you need to do anything.  The only one who knows that answer is you, not your significant other, parents or best friend.  It's you.

So ask yourself.

Ask yourself what to do.  Go somewhere quiet, close your eyes and ask.  You will get an answer. Don't sit on it though.  Act on it, despite the fear that crop up.

Real simply, life is not meant to be a chore.  If you aren't doing what makes you happy, then you have to go after what does, despite the fear.

Life is short.  Make it what you want it to be.



It's Time to Retire the Word "Sexy"

It’s unsure when the word was first used, 1905 or 1923, but It certainly is known to have originated in the United States.  If it was up to me I would have hoped for a brighter word legacy than the word “sexy”.  It was originally coined to describe Rudolph Valentino, the legendary film actor.  I didn’t know him other than by name before researching for this post, but as far as I can tell he would have been the “sexiest man alive” in 1926 if People magazine was around.  Thankfully that era escaped the magazine, but nonetheless the word started there.

Why do I dislike the word so much, mainly because it separates people.  It has them striving to be something imagined, instead of their authentic self.  It was relatively obscure until the 1950’s when advertisers started using it to promote their products.

Just like it is today, ad men set it up as the image that people, mostly women, should aspire to be.  One word, and yet, it is used so frequently from selling cars, to clothes, to well, almost everything.

Now, even though it is used daily to lure women away from their other gifts, like intelligence, kindness and compassion, it has now become unisex. Now it is attributed to anything that is deemed worthy or desirable.

The bigger reason I dislike the word is that it is used to herd people, to get them to react like sheep, instead of embracing who they authentically are.

People see the word sexy and they want whatever it is attached to, whether it is a person, place or thing.  It doesn’t matter what it is as long as people can connect with it and feel wanted, empowered and have a sense of belonging.

I’m no prude and I definitely know that advertisers use sex to sell, but it bothers me when people follow trends simply because someone has attached a label of sexy to it.

From a personal standpoint, of course feel attractive, do whatever you want to feel prettier or more handsome.  However, do so with the understanding that you are so much more than your physicality.  Know that you aren’t simply your body.  You have a powerful mind and equally strong heart and soul.

And when you jump to buy anything simply because it has the word sexy attached to it, you are disavowing your depth.  You are telling the world that you exist solely for physicality. More so you are telling people that you jump through hoops to belong.  Hoops that were created only to separate you from your money.

I am a writer, so I would never want to take away any word.  I simply want us to know that there are words that serve and words that don’t.  

So, I guess I would say that the word sexy can stay. Whatever you do, don’t trip over your feet to get to whatever thing is attached to that word unless you have looked at all aspects of it to see if it something that will help you be a fuller, better you.